Monday, June 30, 2008

grand canyon: slip 'n' slide

It's hot in Missoula.  

I mean really hot.  

It's over 85 degrees at nine-thirty in the evening, and that's just almost unbearable.  Then again, if that's the case, I'll be moving before July's over, so I'll back it up a bit.  It's not unbearable, I just think it's unbearable.  Maybe I just need to get acclimated.  Maybe if I close my eyes and remember Alabama in August with just the attic fan and no air conditioner....  Nope.  Still hot.

All this hot-ness got me thinking of the canyon trip and all those pictures I never posted.  So tonight, if only because it's really hot, I'm going to share one of my favorite moments.  It doesn't have anything to do with a beautiful canyon or a big horned sheep poop or shooting stars at Deer Creek campground.  The title spoils the punch line.  It's the slip 'n' slide.

Yes, folks.  Day 20 rolled around, and we were tired and there were no more big rapids to run and we had way too much tequila than any self-respecting canyoners should have on hand at day 20.  And it was hot.  Really, really, scorch-your-feet-walking-from-shade-to-water's-edge hot.  Lick-your-lips-and-feel-them-crack hot.  Four-hundred-and-thirty-two-flies-buzzing-round-the-groover kind of hot.  (You probably could have done without that last image, huh.... Oh, what's a groover?  It's the poop can.  Sorry.  Well, I didn't want to leave anyone out.)

So what did we do on this really hot day?  Oh, that's right, you already know: the slip 'n' slide.  

What you may not know is that Emily Post has a chapter all on the proper way to huck one's self down a Grand Canyon slip 'n' slide.  I'll save you the trouble of referencing her great works and summarize here:

First you take a shot of tequila.  Shot glasses are for civilized folks not travelin' by boat, so you have to take 'er outta the bottle. (By the way, nothin' says handsome like five-inch black neoprene socks... I think I've mentioned that Handyman knows how to dress to impress!)

Then, you trust your buddies will splash the obligatory sliding component down on the slip 'n' slide else yer in fer a bit of a pinkbelly.  Assuming said buddies do said duty, you're on your way.

And then there's relief at the bottom.  It's really more fun than it looks.  And no, the handyman did not suddenly turn into a lady upon shock of hitting the surface of that delightfully cold water.  I missed a shot, and Wendy politely said she'd fill in as stunt double.

After you blow that water out yer nose and adjust your shorts so everything's comfortable, you come out grinnin', get another shot, and do it all over again!  

Just don't forget your black socks - I'm sure Emily would agree that they are THE accessory for slippin' and slidin'.


Victoria Williams said...

I'm lovin' it!!!!!! Sounds like a lot of fun.
I can relate. It's now 10:30PM and the temp..........oh the temp is 85 degrees!

Anonymous said...

That hilarious and you just solidified the reason I don't camp...the groover.

Kassidy Kern said...

Nice farmer tan, Grizzly Man.

Heather said...

Good going so far on the challenge. It's hot here in Alabama, too, so we feel ya. Unlike Noble Pig, you're making me want to get outside more!!! Btw, you didn't warn me how big my zukes were gonna get - I'm amazed :D And they're sooo yummy!